I have nothing against hook-up apps. I’ve done them, but the experience didn’t pan out for me. The reason being, and what I believe has been my downfall in relationships is that I think like a chick. While a little action always sounds fun, wouldn’t it be nice if we could share a mojito and conversation before? Yep. Chick.
Between touring and traveling with Mama Scott who hits the hotel bed by 9 pm, I’m often left in a foreign town not knowing anyone (awake). I have a number of friends who have found themselves in the same circumstances. Sometimes you just want to grab mojitos with someone before you start swapping dick pics.
If you’re a traveler looking for someone to show you some fun that doesn’t immediately require a towel, here’s a few tricks…
5. EAT OUT, NOT IN, Sit at the bar.
“I’ve got no one to eat with so I’m going to stay in and order room service.” You are a grown up; you can eat alone. Bring your e-reader or just your thoughts. (Hopefully they’re not weird, crazy, Stephen King movie thoughts). Sitting at the bar is perfect for single people. Why? Other single people go to the bar. Sometimes they do this funny thing where they actually talk to each other. If you don’t see it, feel free to start it. Maybe you don’t know much about the town. Ask somebody. It’s a great conversation starter because all gays secretly wish they were tour guides. “We’re walking. We’re walking…”
4. If you connect to your server or bartender, go for it.
Most often it won’t work. They get hit on constantly. That being said, in my serving days, some of my best dates were with customers. Servers won’t ask you out first. It’s tacky. You’re a server, and you do this? You’re tacky.
If you are going to ask out your server: Do it at the end of the meal. Give your number, don’t ask for his. Don’t get schwasted, fondling inappropriately or abusing sexual innuendos. Don’t attempt to wait until he is done. That’s creepy. Do, I repeat, DO tip well. When a server receives a phone number with ten percent, he shows his co-workers. And laughs.
3. Look for other solo travelers.
I know this may be a bit hard for some boys to swallow – pun intended– but you’re not special. There are quite a few of us out gallivanting around the world, assuring strangers that you really do have friends at home, all the while secretly hoping for an unforeseen connection.
Some are normal. Some are creepy. Some are actually kinda awesome. If you play the lonely traveler role often, you know how to spot the better odds. So when you find one that appeals to you, say hello. Hell is full of lonely people who never made the first move.
2. The funny girl gets her audience
People like to laugh. If not, they have some psychotic tendencies, and you should stay away. I’m not saying repeat that damn “Brown-Chicken, Brown-Cow” joke everywhere you go. Bring your witty self to the table. You know it’s in there.
Some may say this is unethical, but to start conversation, I like to talk about the people in the bar I find ridiculous. Always err on the side of funny rather than c*nty. You know what that means. You’ll be surprised how the next time you state the obvious about a guy who’s wearing meth make-up, your recipient will chime in with, “Thank God someone brought it up!”
1. Be Yourself. Enjoy Yourself.
I went to Vegas to accompany a friend on his gay tennis tournament. Endless gay tennis players and my single self will have a ball, I thought. How many tennis players fawned over me? Zero.
I drowned my sorrows in a poker tournament and free cocktails. I’m confident that I’ll NEVER place in a poker tournament, so I was just killing time and having fun. The lack of pressure to beat or meet allowed me to relax and just be Mikey.
Then I grabbed the attention of Shawn, a tribal member across the poker table. He’s an expert poker player but noticed he couldn’t read me because I didn’t care enough to have nervous “tells.” Guess we could implement a few things from poker into dating, huh?
As I was losing, he purposefully lost a hand to keep me in the game longer. Then he found me the next day and bought me lunch. (I don’t I feel bad about him buying. He won the damn tournament.)
Had I been there longer, who knows what would have happened. All because I wasn’t trying to impress. Just having fun.