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22 Very Sexy V-Day Gifts

By Diane Anderson-...


Date Night on DVD

Mariel Hemingway and Patrice Donnelly are sexy ‘80s-era, pre-out Olympian athletes who fall in love while competing for a spot on the U.S. team in Personal Best. Donnelly, one of the three actual Olympians in the film (Jodi Anderson and Kenny Moore are the others), is compelling and refreshing in all the perfect girl jock ways, but it’s the love story between her and a very young Hemingway who make this a lesbo classic. And in The Bouquet, sad news brings two sisters home to help save the family floral business and mend mom’s broken heart in this schmaltzy, perfect-for-lovers-of-TV-movies DVD. One of the sisters is played by Kristy Swanson, the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and if you don’t have a date, you may want to watch this one with your sibling. Personal Best is DVD on Demand only at WarnerArchive.com, $18.95; The Bouquet is at Amazon.com,  $12.99

The Perfect Freudian Chocolate
Everyone will drool for this set of Ultimate Belgian Chocolate Frozen Bananas from Golden Edibles: a collection of bananas dipped in milk, dark, and white Belgian chocolate, then rolled and embellished in the company's best-selling flavors: Macadamia, Walnuts, Heath Bar, Chocochips, Yogurt Chips, Toffee, Pistachio, Nonpareils, Almonds, Color Chips, Oreo, and Coconut. Yum. $69.95, GoldenEdibles.com

Jewelry for Hipsters and Those Who Love Them
Need a heart-shaped necklace? Try Proposition Love. Need matching stainless rings? Try Love and Pride. But if you want something that's a little more unusual, a little more contempo? Get her (or him) something from YouGNeek.com, a repository of fun, funky, handmade jewelry that recreates tiny working miniatures into working jewelry. Among our many favorites: YOU Light My Fire: Working Leather Lighter CufflinksYOU Are Sooo Sharp: Working Tiny Folding Knife EarringsYOU Are Sooo Dangerous: Working Switchblade Knife Tie Clip;  or for those anti-size queens: Give Me an Inch, a Real One-Inch Ruler Necklace. (pictured left) $9 to $99, YouGNeek.com

The Bond Double Shot
Still marveling at the recent homoerotic Bond moment in Skyfall? Snag the DVD to watch bisexual villain Javier Bardem seduce on instant replay, and then cuddle up while poring over this massive book, James Bond: 50 Years of Movie Posters. The latter offers an unforgettable gallery of Bond posters, teasers, and lobby cards from virtually every country where Bond movies have been screened. That’s an awful lot of filmdom’s sexiest and most enduring super spy. DVD: Amazon.com, $16.99; Book: $50, DK Books

Move Over, Beekman Boys!
Ever wanted to make your own cheese? Belle Chevre's DIY Cheese Kit offers everything you need to make goat cheese in your very own kitchen, with guidance from one of the most awarded and recognized creameries in America. The kit includes instructions and recipes, citric acid (for several batches of cheese), cheese salt, food-safe thermometer, cheese towel, and gift-ready storage container (in case you don’t plan to eat it all yourself). BelleChevre.com, $27.95

Is Dog Your Copilot?
Then skip all the traditional tarot cards for your V-day reading and get the beautifully illustrated Dog Tarot, a fortune-telling deck and book that’ll unlock the secrets behind your dog’s confounding behavior. After all, for many of us, that’s our primary relationship, right? $14.95, TheDogTarot.com

Or Make Kitty Your Superstar
Show your sensitive hipster side by giving her (or him) one of Kin Ship Goods’ soft and super comfy “furst edition” smart kitty pullovers, which are hand-printed by artisans in Louisville, Ky. $42, KinShip.co

 

Get Him Some Sexy Kicks
Nothing says I love you more than … vintage-inspired classic high-tops, and Burneties are the best. Stylish, sexy, and created through a zero-waste manufacturing process (the outsoles are made from mostly reused rubber). $44, BurnetieShoes.com

Rethink Modern Art
Art, from Monet to Keith Haring, is always a good gift. But need something hipper, fresher, more street, or, well, closer to your budget? Try Dudebox.com, which lets artists find new venues to express themselves. We can't help but love Jonny Wan's limited edition King Crackal Vinyl Toy (pictured near right), a gift that shows Wan's brilliant use of color as both rebellion and imagination, or graffiti artist Hicks' Neesh, a magical fixer bot turned vinyl art collectible (pictured far right). Both are limited to 300 pieces each but priced for entry-level art lovers and geek guys alike. Bonus: The boxes these little guys come in are as artsy as they are. $35, Dudebox.com

Possibly Un-PC but Plenty of Fun
There is nothing more perverse or discreet than this Kokeshi Dancer vibrator (which comes in boy and girl versions). Originally made during the Edo Period in Japan (1600-1868), traditional Kokeshi Dolls were crafted by Kijiya artisans in the Miyagi Prefecture to sell to visitors who came to bathe in the local hot springs. With this modern, battery-powered, and waterproof vibrating version, you can subvert tradition without visitors ever having a second clue about your little doll's sexy main purpose. Try it in a bath with a friend. $29.99, BigTeazeToys.com

It's OK to Be Cheap
Yes, jewelry, flowers, and toys are fun, but lube is a practical gift that should be a year round stocking stuffer (er, pun intended). Try Wet's Platinum Premium Lubricant (its longest-lasting formula),  Syngergy (which combines silicon and water based lube), and Ecstasy Xtra Cooling Sensation (yes, minty for that Christmas-in-your-pants feeling), or Uranus (for “out of this world deep space probing”). $7, Drugstore.com

Party in Your Pocket
The C-Case, a sleek steel and aluminum condom case from Big Teaze Toys, carries three condoms or a combo of condoms, lube packet, and moist towelette (think of it as a whore's bath that fits in your pocket). Show him you're proud of your sexuality and your sexual health with a case that protects you both. (And hey, if you're comfortable with your masculinity, you can get it in Barbie-hued pink too.) $9.99, BigTeazeToys.com

The Miracle Berry
Food as aphrodisiac is as old as The Iliad, but Miracle Berry tablets subvert all that. These little berries (which you can buy as tablets or as the plant to grow your own) will change your taste buds temporarily so that ordinary foods taste extraordinary (and even bad foods taste great). Re-create your own 9 1/2 Weeks scenes with these little berries and whatever is left over in the fridge that night. Or, if you love it, buy him a seedling and make this a regular part of date night. $10 and up, MBerry.us

Safe Sex Meets Modern Design
Remember when marital aids were cheap plastic toys everyone was embarassed to admit they owned? Not so with the newest and hottest: the VërSpanken, a toy that lets you customize the pressure, texture, temperature, with different inserts (called Water Wieners). It's made of 100% recyclable materials and contains no latex, phthalates, lead, or heavy metals. It's so modern it comes with its own arty how-to YouTube video. Just keep it away from the kids; it looks a lot like one of their toys too. $39, BigTeazeToys.com

 

 

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